Saturday, December 30, 2023

Dec 30

I feel like my heart just has a mind of its own. I’m trying to calm down. Trying to not overthink and stress. Honestly. But my brain just doesn’t shut off. It just keeps going. 

Jay and I are doing better. I think he’s more worried about me than I’m worried about me. Which is hard to imagine but here we are. We went to one of his meetings today. My brain is so out of it that listening to their stories or share did nothing. Nothing is penetrating into my brain now. Although I think Emma said she hadn’t had dick in 3 years caught my attention 😂 girl same. It was horrible. But now I have this handsome man who put his head between my legs every morning. May not get sex daily but I can guarantee that at least at 95%  

Work. Gah that’s stressing me a bit. Not too much. It is a state job. 

Tuesday, December 26, 2023

Dec 26th

Today is the late lunch early dinner with his kids. I’m so grateful Jessica is going to be there as well. I’m so nervous about this entire day. I want them to at the very least tolerate me. I’d be even happier if maybe they even liked me. Jay has basically told everyone I’m autistic, I hate that it sounds like an excuse. I know there are times I absolutely hate it but I like parts about it too. 

Yesterday morning when Jay and I were talking… I nearly left. The culmination of the past few days plus all the things I was told from Alexis just compounded my feelings that I was never going to be enough for him. Not now. Not ever. I still have doubts I will be. He’s sees the world so differently than I do but to be fair I did fuck up that day in union square. I’ll take that one for sure. 

What I wasn’t expecting was everything that happened after that. Obviously I decided to stay. The thought of leaving him makes me feel so sick (aside from this constant nausea and gagging) and I let Alexis know I was staying when she went downstairs to do the gifts. 

Alexis jess and I were all downstairs and then Jay comes down. Alexis bolts back upstairs. He talks to me and Jess for a few minutes than decides to confront Alexis. Jess and I could barely hear anything but none of it was good. 

Jay comes back down looking shocked, he’s smiling which was weird to begin with. He tells us the bare minimum to keep Jessica uninvolved and then goes back upstairs. I wanted to follow him but I stayed with Jess playing uno. 

When Jess scalped the 2 gift cards off of me, she was done playing 🙄😂 so I finally went upstairs and he still looked shocked. 

All of it boils down to one thing. He promised that he and Alexis would never make up. Ever. That’s all I care about. 

Sunday, December 24, 2023

Christmas eve

 I cannot stop the phrase from repeating... over and over again. 

You do not live here. I guess for me there is always going to be a phrase that just gets stuck but this one, I do not think I can get past this one regardless of what happens going forward. I cannot keep dealing with the threats of my having to move out or to go back home because he did make it clear last night that this was not my home it was his. 


What I hate the most about us... honestly... I am so in love with him. I hate it and I know I will tolerate anything and everything.

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

Dec 19

This period is something else. I’m bleeding so much more than I think I’ve ever… and my lower back is killing me. 

If there is one thing I love about him is that he’s as physically attracted to me as I am to him. For whatever reason this morning he couldn’t handle seeing my nipples. He kept covering me up. It was cute and enticing. Typically he doesn’t notice me adjusting my bra but today he was all over me when I did. 

He is also more than willing to wait while I get ready and put some makeup on. In fact now he insists on it. Which is new for me. Not that I mind. I’m usually trying to just get out the door much less change my appearance at all. But if he’s willing to wait then I’m always willing to do my makeup. It’s nice for him and for me to push me to do it. 

His Christmas gift came in. I love the way it looks, personalized hat. He also likes it so there’s that. 

Of course tomorrow is my crown appointment finally so I’m pretty much in a panic now and trying to keep calm. 

Monday, December 18, 2023

Dec 18

I’m sitting here. Downstairs. Eating rice bbq pork noodles and staring at a mail package full of new satin boxers for Jay. Watching him walk around in boxers I’ve picked. Ones that I choose. I don’t know why that makes me even more feral for him. There is something so intoxicating knowing while we’re out that he’s wearing those satin boxers. Sliding over his skin. Caressing him. I have NEVER been so physically attuned to someone. 

The craziest part about our relationship… the part that makes this seem so unreal is how Jay goes out of his way to please me. Finding new ways to pleasure me. He treats me like I’m an assignment he has to get perfect. The more he gets to know my body the more addicted I am to his touch. I’m on my period and I’m still fantasizing about his touch. 

Daily… I mean every day I look at him still. Amazed. I’m shocked by how much I love him. How much I’m in love with him. How easy it was to fall in love with him. By texting alone. How is this my life??? How did I end up with someone so perfect for me… in every way possible. His possessiveness drove me crazy before but now? I love it. How territorial he is. How I know at any moment of the day he’s thinking of me if I’m not there with him. I’ve never been with someone as dedicated to me as Jay has always been. Note that I’m older I can appreciate it for exactly what it is. His need to keep me safe and protected. SMH. He woke up… realized I was sitting up and was worried something was wrong and then when I reassured him I was fine proceeded to tell me if I need anything to tell him and he’ll get it 🥹 he was out. Completely asleep. No one has ever cared for me like he does. Consistently. 

Dec 16

It’s interesting how a single piece of jewelry can alter the chemistry between two people. 

It’s just a ring

But is it? A wedding ring symbolizes commitment and it’s worn on the left hand because the vein in that finger leads or comes directly from the heart. To me… it’s symbolic of jays commitment to me. Just like the cross I actually picked and purchased for him is a symbol of not only my acceptance of his beliefs (which are vastly different than mine) but that I honor his beliefs and in addition to this is an outward symbol to anyone of my love and devotion to not only him but to us. I’ve never purchase jewelry for anyone like this before but I couldn’t not buy it either. As much as I like the newer cross he purchased I wanted something closer to a style I personally prefer. 

Okay so back to his ring. It’s in a single word stunning. It’s not over the top and it’s simple yet complicated. He got my princess cut and the side baguettes and three round diamonds on each side is perfect. Past present future. Giving me that ring really did change my brain chemistry. It tied me to him in a way I didn’t think possible. I’m already completely and absolutely in love with him, my love reaching depths I never imagined possible but now… I have a physical presentation of his devotion and love for me. I can look down at any moment and remember him asking me to be his wife. Remembering the look of sincerity and happiness he had presenting me this ring he designed. It was that look of happiness… knowing how important that ring was and how much he wanted me to love the ring as much as I love him that changed my entire trajectory and that all my thoughts now are of us. Not of me. But of us. 

He keeps asking if anything changed with the ring and the truth is everything changed. He’s always had my heart my body and my soul but now my brain has shifted about 90 degrees and it’s not me against the world it’s us against the world. 

Don’t get it wrong though. Yes I have the heart beat pendent plus the two bracelets. All of which I love but I’ve never received a ring that I didn’t pick personally and never one with as much time and effort as Jay put into this one. So for those reasons this one resonates differently than any other piece I’ve ever been given. 

He and I of course are going to continue arguing over the wedding and the plans. We are both so different in some ways when it comes to what we see for this wedding. And yes I’m letting him win a few of these as much as he’s letting me win a few of mine as well. Compromise. We’re definitely getting better at it. 




Saturday, December 16, 2023

Dec 15

Covid hasn’t been as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think I’m almost over it. 


Thursday, November 23, 2023

Thanksgiving 2023

I’ve had a lot of rough days. Today being yet another one to add to this list. I can barely remember what last year was. Olivia was a year old. Jerrolyn hosted her first thanksgiving Christmas at her house. She was so disappointed because so many family members didn’t end up going. She was so frustrated. 

We were weeks away from the Disney cruise. I was so excited for that. Allan was able to play with Olivia for a short amount of time. Emily got glitter all over the house. 

It’s just so crazy how my life has completely changed. Not only do I not recognize my life now but I never would have imagined it. It just doesn’t seem real. I always feel as if I could lose it all. 

I do wish I could have spent time with Glenn at least. But he was doing his thing and I wasn’t sure if Jay would be okay with me inviting anyone except my kids. But Glenn was cooking already. So that wasn’t possible  but maybe for Christmas? Or something around it. 

Breath. Don’t let jerrolyn get to you. I’m not going to any of her functions until we talk. I’m not going to keep acting like nothing happened, I don’t like the way she handles this every time. It just keeps happening over and over again. 

He just made a popping sound and with his mouth and the walls of my vagina responded? WTH 


Thursday, November 2, 2023

November 2nd

The most unique thing about our relationship? I know with no doubt there is NOTHING he wouldn’t do for me. I’ve never felt like that with anyone. Anything I want or need him to do? He’d do it. No questions asked. To be honest I think the more challenging the demand the more he’d get off on it. 

Oct 22nd

If I had to describe us in one word. 

Inseparable. 

I don’t know why I’m so attached to him. Why I feel so incomplete without him. I can’t imagine being without him for hours let alone days. Not sure how I got to this space. Allowing myself to become so dependent on him. 

Wednesday, November 1, 2023

November 1st

 Wow so much to write about.


Went on the cruise, I would not say it was HORRIBLE but it wasn’t as great as the Disney cruise. It was fun.. lots and lots of sex. One bad moment when I wasn’t feeling well and he thought I was ignoring him. But I thought he was sleeping and I felt like crap. Got a bit seasick… went to Catalina island got golf carts. Loved it… went to Ensenada same thing as December. Got a starbies cup… won $600 at the casino


Disneyland Was amazing. Loved the hotel beautiful hotel.


Went straight to Disneyland after we dropped off our luggage, And got the disability pass from tomorrowland. Went on a lot of great ride, especially the new Star Wars ones. Ate lots of good food out and then went back to the hotel for more sex of course  Oddly enough, Jason’s daughter was there as well but for some reason we just couldn’t link up with her. But we did see Lisa, so that worked.


The next day we went to Disneyland, California adventures went on a bunch of rides, could not find breakfast for him to save my life. Around midday, we left, and went back to the hotel, and hung out in the hot tub loved every moment of it, and of course more sex, he passed out pretty early so I stayed up and watched the fireworks and I could see them through the window of our hotel and it was amazing. The next morning he woke up angry because I didn’t wake him up for the fireworks but I didn’t know he wanted to wake up so too bad. So sad . 


The next day we headed to Disneyland because we were leaving that day back to home and we caught quite a few rides before we had to head out to the airport. Everything was great we ate had lots of amazing things to eat, and to drink and actually the entire Disneyland trip was amazing, better than I would’ve imagined he was hardly ever grouted to your grumpy, so I definitely think we can go back to Disneyland. 


Came back to Sacramento rented a car, a mini Cooper drove back to Vallejo and that was it. That was our vacation. I loved every moment of it even if the cruise was kind of shitty but spending time with him alone focused on us was great it wasn’t quite as intense Monterey, but I don’t think it can always be like that and that’s OK 


So I signed the paperwork for Delta star interviewed for the physician and Vacaville and I am still waiting to hear back. Went to a meeting. Alexis came by and picked up her stitch gift. I think that’s it. There’s not really much else other than Jay, being so excited, I want to casino he wanted to marry me right away, but of course, that disappeared as soon as we got off the boat, which was not a surprise. But at least now when he says when we get married instead of if we get married, so that’s a big improvement. 

Wednesday, October 18, 2023

Oct 18th

Jessica is 21… I can’t believe it. 

So looks like I have a legit job offer in Vacaville. One I know I can handle. And I want that one. Never mind the Sam Carlos one. With the higher pay. 

Jay was sleep walking last night. I think he peed on the floor? Left the door open and was saying something about a light? He also mixed up his night with his day meds. 

We had sex today but I can tell planned sex. Doesn’t work. He wasn’t into it and neither was I. So no more of that. 

His best friends mom died. So many deaths in October. It’s overwhelming. 

Monday, October 16, 2023

Oct 16th

Chocolate. Strawberry syrup and ice. 

I love this man. He pleases me in ways I’ve never thought possible. Licking me. Touching me. He’s doing things on his own now. Exploring and trying new things. How could I not love him?

Yesterday’s surprise revelation? “I’d marry you tomorrow if it didn’t impact the social security” and if we decide we don’t care about that money. We’ll get married. 

Todays? Bring our matching hoodies on the cruise. 🥰🥰🥰 Gawd I love him so freaking much 

Story

As she approached the club, her heels clicking along the sidewalk, she admired the brick facade of the building. There was something so charming about a building that utilized bricks. The deep red color and the grey tones of the mortar setting it apart from the steel and glass buildings flanking both sides of the club. While the other buildings looked sleek and modern this had a charming inviting look to it. 

The door to the club was currently being guarded by two handsome tall bouncers holding clip boards. As she walked up they greeted her cordially and asked if she had an invitation. She pulled the black linen invitation from her handbag. It looked like it was blank but as the bouncer pulled out his black the words jumped out suddenly on the paper glowing brightly.

Her name, Selene, was engraved in the black light ink. The bouncer checked his clip board, marking off her name and opened the door for her. 

As Selene walked in she could hear the bass from a sultry seductive song being played deep in the building. She walked down a dimly lit hallway which was heavily scented by the dark red roses that were in beautiful crystal vases on tiny tables along the wall. 

She approached another set of doors that automatically swung open. As she stepped into this room… the dance floor was ahead of her with a large bar towards the back of the room, a stair case on either side of the bar. Selene walked further into the room where couples were dancing to the music as she made her way to the bar. 

“Vodka soda” she informed the female bartender who smiled and and quickly returned with her order. 

Selene took the drink and found a table and set of chairs off the dance floor. She settled into the chair taking a sip of the drink while scanning the dance floor. Not seeing anything of interest she leaned back in the chair and looked up to the second floor. The second floor appeared to be more of a balcony where patrons could watch others on the dance floor from a different point of view. As she swept eyes across those watching, he caught her attention. 

He was looking at her with such intensity… she was caught off guard and quickly looked away but not before she caught his smirk. In the dark she could barely make out what he looked like even with the DJ lights flashing and spinning around the room.  She glanced down at her drink and took anothe sip, deciding to keep her eyes on those dancing in front of her. 

A few minutes passed when the hair on her neck prickled and she heard a deep voice in her ear “I’ve never seen you here before.”  
Selene smiled but didn’t reply as the music was so loud he probably would not have heard her unless she shouted in his ear… she shook her head in agreement. She had never been to this club before. 

He pulled the chair out next to her and seated himself next to her. She didn’t look over at him. Didn’t acknowledge his presence. They sat there in silence… watching the dancers. She so badly wanted to glance his way to see what he looked like, however she knew that this would be looked at an invitation for him to talk to her more. So she continued to ignore him. 

She continued to sip on her drink until the glass was empty. He leaned over “Allow me”… 

Grabbed her empty glass and walked back to the bar. Returning quickly with a second vodka soda, placing it on the table in front of her. Selene muttered here thanks… but didn’t touch the glass. He hadn’t sat back down and was standing just out of her peripheral vision… When he spoke so close to her ear, her hair moved. “Dance with me”. 

Selene began to shake her head no, when he walked in front of her and grabbed her hand. Tugging her to an upright position. 

Reluctantly she allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. He was taller than her, which isn’t surprising. At only 5’2” seems everyone is taller. He appeared to be 5’9”. Light blue dress shirt with dark blue dress pants. He turns towards her on the dance floor pulling her towards him. His intense looks multiplied due to the lack of space between them. Her entire body is pressed against him. Feeling his body warmth… she inhales his scent. Musky… woodsy… very masculine. His hands on her waist while she placed hers on his shoulders. 
They dance to slow melodic music… Selene’s center of attention is on this man in front of her, when he presses his groin against her lower abdomen… feeling his hard impressive cock against her, heat radiate from her core while settling between her thighs, drawling heat and wetness from her center. She looks up into his intense eyes, feeling her arousal grow. 
He gently grasps her hand and leads her away from the dance floor to one of 3 hallways… The VIP section. He nods to the bouncer while tapping a key card against the security door… the doors open automatically and close behind us as we enter the hallway. 
Still holding her hand he leads her deeper into the abyss. This hallway is also painted in black… with more roses and tea light candles flickering to provide enough light to navigate safely. 
We pass by a window… the room within is bathed in red light… I can see a woman, naked with her arms tied above her while another woman dressed in latex and leather with a cat o nine tales in her hand. 
I smile at them… nothing unusual to see in this night club… It’s also considered a sex club… members only with strict rules being followed and maintained to allow for anonymity and safety. 
We approach another door and when he presses his card key against the security panel the door opens up. 
We walk in with him still holding my hand. The door closes and he turns and walks toward me pressing me against the door. 
He leans down bringing his face so close to hers she can feel and smell his breath. She inhales deeply breathing in his scent as her heart rate starts to race. He is pressed up against her knee to breasts. She can feel all the contours of his body while he looks at her. She tilts her chin up in a challenge and he leans in closer to smell her neck, her hair. Chills run up her back as she gasps from the intense reaction her body has to his closeness. 
He brings his lips to her ear and suddenly it seems as if the world completely falls away. There is only him. He kisses her neck softly and she sighs and leans into him. His hand moves up from her waist to cup her breast and she can’t help but moan. Closing her eyes letting her body relax. He takes a strap of her dress pulling it down over her shoulder, exposing her breast. While maintaining eye contact he crouches down and flicks his tongue over her nipple, she starts to close her eyes and he tells her “No. Eyes on me”. Her eyes snap open and focus on his dark eyes as his mouth closes around her nipple. She moans and arches her back but she continues the eyes contact while her hands wrap around the back of his head. His other hand pulling down the other strap exposing her other breast. His tongue flicking over her nipple and sucking and pulling as well. She can feel how wet she is getting as her scent not only fills the air but her juices start to run down her leg. His hand reaches between her thighs… feeling her wetness as he straightens up… leaning in to kiss her collarbone. His fingertip gently pulling her inner folds apart as he finds her clitoris. His fingers circling and flicking her most sensitive spot… his mouth finally finding hers. 

Story

As she approached the club, her heels clicking along the sidewalk, she admired the brick facade of the building. There was something so charming about a building that utilized bricks. The deep red color and the grey tones of the mortar setting it apart from the steel and glass buildings flanking both sides of the club. While the other buildings looked sleek and modern this had a charming inviting look to it. 

The door to the club was currently being guarded by two handsome tall bouncers holding clip boards. As she walked up they greeted her cordially and asked if she had an invitation. She pulled the black linen invitation from her handbag. It looked like it was blank but as the bouncer pulled out his black light the words jumped out suddenly on the paper glowing brightly.

Her name, Selene, was engraved in the black light ink. The bouncer checked his clip board, marking off her name and opened the door for her. 

As Selene walked in she could hear the bass from a sultry seductive song being played deep in the building. She walked down a dimly lit hallway which was heavily scented by the dark red roses that were in beautiful crystal vases on tiny tables along the wall. 

She approached another set of doors that automatically swung open. As she stepped into this room… the dance floor was ahead of her with a large bar towards the back of the room, a stair case on either side of the bar. Selene walked further into the room where couples were dancing to the music as she made her way to the bar. 

“Vodka soda” she informed the female bartender who smiled and and quickly returned with her order. 

Selene took the drink and found a table and set of chairs off the dance floor. She settled into the chair taking a sip of the drink while scanning the dance floor. Not seeing anything of interest she leaned back in the chair and looked up to the second floor. The second floor appeared to be more of a balcony where patrons could watch others on the dance floor from a different point of view. As she swept eyes across those watching, he caught her attention. 

He was looking at her with such intensity… she was caught off guard and quickly looked away but not before she caught his smirk. In the dark she could barely make out what he looked like even with the DJ lights flashing and spinning around the room.  She glanced down at her drink and took another sip, deciding to keep her eyes on those dancing in front of her. 

A few minutes passed when the hair on her neck prickled and she heard a deep voice in her ear “I’ve never seen you here before.”  
Selene smiled but didn’t reply as the music was so loud he probably would not have heard her unless she shouted in his ear… she shook her head in agreement. She had never been to this club before. 

He pulled the chair out next to her and seated himself next to her. She didn’t look over at him. Didn’t acknowledge his presence. They sat there in silence… watching the dancers. She so badly wanted to glance his way to see what he looked like, however she knew that this would be looked at as an invitation for him to talk to her more. So she continued to ignore him. 

She continued to sip on her drink until the glass was empty. He leaned over “Allow me”… 

Grabbed her empty glass and walked back to the bar. Returning quickly with a second vodka soda, placing it on the table in front of her. Selene muttered her thanks… but didn’t touch the glass. He hadn’t sat back down and was standing just out of her peripheral vision… When he spoke so close to her ear, her hair moved. “Dance with me”. 

Selene began to shake her head no, when he walked in front of her and grabbed her hand. Tugging her to an upright position. 

Reluctantly she allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. He was taller than her, which isn’t surprising. At only 5’2” seems everyone is taller. He appeared to be 5’9”. Light blue dress shirt with dark blue dress pants. He turns towards her on the dance floor pulling her towards him. His intense looks multiplied due to the lack of space between them. Her entire body is pressed against him. Feeling his body warmth… she inhales his scent. Musky… woodsy… very masculine. His hands on her waist while she placed hers on his shoulders. 
They dance to slow melodic music… Selene’s center of attention is on this man in front of her, when he presses his groin against her lower abdomen… feeling his hard impressive cock against her, heat radiate from her core while settling between her thighs, drawling heat and wetness from her center. She looks up into his intense eyes, feeling her arousal grow. 
He gently grasps her hand and leads her away from the dance floor to one of 3 hallways… The VIP section. He nods to the bouncer while tapping a key card against the security door… the doors open automatically and close behind us as we enter the hallway. 
Still holding her hand he leads her deeper into the abyss. This hallway is also painted in black… with more roses and tea light candles flickering to provide enough light to navigate safely. 
We pass by a window… the room within is bathed in red light… I can see a woman, naked with her arms tied above her while another woman dressed in latex and leather with a cat o nine tales in her hand. 
I smile at them… nothing unusual to see in this night club… It’s also considered a sex club… members only with strict rules being followed and maintained to allow for anonymity and safety. 
We approach another door and when he presses his card key against the security panel the door opens up. 
We walk in with him still holding my hand. The door closes and he turns and walks toward me pressing me against the door. 

Sunday, October 15, 2023

Oct 15th

Lmao. We tried to go without sex until the cruise. We didn’t even make it 2 days. But the foreplay?? Omg. I’ve never been more turned on. 

I know at the beginning of a relationship sex is a priority. I don’t feel like that’s what it’s going on with Jay and I. I love the connection I feel to him physically when he’s deep inside of me. Yes I love the orgasms too but it’s more of being his. When he’s in me I feel as if my body is his. I know our sex is getting better. I know we want our sex to keep getting better. My body craves him in ways I’ve never imagined and he goes out of his way to fulfill me


Saturday, October 14, 2023

Oct 14th

I really hate being apart from him. I miss him so much. I really feel as if I’m missing a part of me. 

Friday, October 13, 2023

Oct 12

The day Jay was released from the hospital… he made love to me so hard. It was truly the best sex. Ever. 

Since then and me opening up.  It’s not only gotten better but way more often. I got him three or four times today. He’s just so into me right now. I love it and him 

He bought me a bracelet. I was so shocked by his choice. It’s an id bracelet. I put his name. Jason. I can’t wait to wear it. 

We went to Monterey. Geez. We’ve been so busy! 17 mile drive. Whale watching. Sex. It’s been so great. 

Monday, October 9, 2023

Oct 9th

The truth is I’m just as crazy over him as he is of me. 

I hate to admit how psycho I can be. How possessive how jealous

Saturday, October 7, 2023

October 7th

He was manic for all of 30 minutes and then plunged back into the depressive mode and he has a stomach ache... again. Its weird he has had it since he went out to that dinner at the chinese restaurant. It can't be that its been over a week already. He is back to rocking a lot. He had a few days without it... but he definitely is back into this mode. To be honest, I feel so overwhelmed with all of his medical issues. I am not sure how Rachel handled all of these when he was even worse. I think the hard part is that I definitely feel helpless... helpless in every possible way. So I am frustrated, I just sit here and watch him suffer. It is breaking me, my heart. I think maybe if I say this out loud to him it will help me... because this is simmering under the surface. I want to cry all the time when I see him in these modes... and I shut down because how can I cry about something he can't control! He would hate it and not like it if I said this but how do I not?

Well we are here at the ER. Grumpy is an understatement. I’m trying so hard to not take it personally but yeah… when I snap at him he’d lose it if I did this to him. “Common sense”? Boy did I want to flash back but no. Breath through it and let him be an asshole

He’s being admitted. Pancreatitis. Christ. Explains why he’s been such an asshole lately. He was trying to leave when I finally came into the room. Looking for a nurse and trying to get dressed. I honestly think I knew when he’d reached his limit. But the good news is… he was sweet to me and even said he wasn’t mad at me. But then the doctor trying to convince him to stay explained what was wrong with him and he is staying. Omg. I just about fainted. I’ve been tearing up off and on. But this isn’t serious and he’s staying. I’m sure it’ll clear up quickly. He’s only been in pain a week. But it was definitely getting worse. They did sedate his ass. 😂😂😂 he was super grouchy from not being able to vape but thank the gods he’s in a better mood and they got him some patches. 

When they asked who I was I said and he laughed and said I need to get you a ring huh? Yes. Please. :) so that made me happy overall but I’m sure he’ll forget that. But I’m his. He’s mine. And I’m so glad his ahitty attitude was due to pain and that’s getting resolved. I need him. God I need him more than I’ll ever admit. I can’t live without him.