Saturday, September 30, 2023

Sept 30th

Why? 

Why does the state of our relationship rely so heavily on his physical touch? I hate how much I need him. I actually have it. It makes me feel so… slutty? This morning to distract him from his anxiety and everything I gave him head. I loved doing that of course it was after he went down on me and I sat on top of him kissing him and grinding down on top of him. 

Then this afternoon he went down on me again, then used his hands on me and god he got hard. So hard. I had to get on top. And why?!?! Why am I suddenly all connected to him again? What the fuck is wrong with me. We can’t be all physical? It’s disgusting that I’m like this. How much I need his physical touch and his dick inside of me. We have sex constantly but go without a day or two and I’m feeling like we are done. Fuck like rabbits and I’m back at it. 

We went to a meeting today  met another friend of his. Said Jay has been telling him all about how I’m a good girl. My fucking insides melted. Then he said he wanted an invite to the wedding. What is Jay telling people? I’m praying it’s just because we are new and I have old insecurities. I can’t just keep fucking him to fall in love with him. We have to be more than that. 

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