There is something about being with Jay. Reformed? Yes. Changed? Yes.
However, there is that fierceness to him that keeps me so attracted to him. I have never been with anyone even remotely like him before him or since. There is something about knowing what he has done and could do that makes me feel safe. I am twisted up in some way I swear. Seeing where he was shot, takes my breath away. Knowing what he lived through since I left him kills me. All the pain, all the suffering. Part of me wishes I could have saved him from that. I know we all go through trials and tribulations to learn life lessons. I wish his had not been so painful. I am so fucking grateful he is who he is right now today. Everything I could want and need. The last 30 years have not exactly been a cake walk for me either but in comparison? There is none. When he talks about his past it leaves me speechless.
What he sees in me? I will never understand but I do know he has a type... and I am definitely his type.
I am not going to get myself riled up because I will end up right back in his bed again.
It’s nearly 10:20 at night. Guess who can’t sleep without him??? Last night I passed out. No problem. 🙄 I need him more and more each passing day.
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