I miss Jay so much, my heart hurts again. I’ve done this trip so many times… I never even thought about Allan on these trips. No calls. No texts. Nothing. He was okay with that. I was okay with it. It wasn’t about trust or anything either…
I want to know what Jay is doing… I want to know he’s okay. I want to hear from him, telling me he misses me and loves me.
I panicked a bit before I fell asleep… I’m terrified to lose Jay. Even writing that sentence has me tearing up. I know it’s part of the grieving process but if I barely survived losing Allan dying… I don’t see how I’d survive Jay passing away. Never mind him just leaving… which at least that I don’t see happening. I see him just ending things… that thought is becoming less and less…
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