I think, I can do that once a week. Weekend to weekend is just too long to go without seeing him. Maybe I can come over to his house on Tuesday or Wednesday nights. It was not too much to do it last night and to be fair, when I am with him I sleep a hell of a lot better than I do without him. So even if it feels like I am missing 30 minutes of sleep, am I? Really?
The idea of changing my last name to his is really starting to feel right to me. However, I need him to ask me to do it. I am not going to do this without him asking. And a commitment ceremony seems fitting too. Maybe after his 20th year. When he is a dinosaur.
When he talks about his past, I am amazed by what all he was doing that I, honestly, had no clue about. Not even a little bit. I am proud of how far he has come, where he is now. I am grateful he did all that hard work already. I am and will be there for him if it gets bad. I stuck by Allan no matter how annoyed and frustrated I got. Allan could help himself, he just refused to even really try. No, not just the weight, I mean even going to the damn dentist.
I notice the small things he does too... Opening the car door for me. Wearing cologne... getting me water and juice. Making sure I eat and learning to share desserts. OMG THAT TIRAMISU was soooo good. He gave me well more than half. That dang mojito... it was like drinking straight rum. I was so drunk. One stupid drink and he offered a second one? I never would have been able to walk. I also notice how much he likes cuddling now. He lets me wrap myself around him, like the octopus he showed me. *eye roll*
I always need to be touching him in some way or another. HAVE to. I am grateful that this, us,we are finally finding a routine and we are not full of all that frantic energy anymore. What I hate more than anything, is that I only want him, sexually. Toys, me... not enough anymore. He has ruined me again, sexually. Even if that is a big part of us... which I happen to like, I hope he does too. There was something he said last night.. it bothered me in the moment but damn if I can even recall what the hell it was.
His kiss... I remembered that. I was not sure if it was him that did that. Sucking on my tongue like that. God, I have always loved that.
I do not know how Robin's man can tell her its not his responsibility to help her. I do not get why she stays with him. No matter how desperate and lonely I was, I would not stay with someone like that. I mean, really what does she benefit from being with him? He is insecure, cheats on her, if not physically than emotionally and he does not support her in any way shape or form. I would rather be single than that.
It took a month… but we’re figuring it out. Day by day. Moment to moment. I swear he sounds more annoyed than anything else about Saturday. I’m trying not to think about it.
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