I think because of the way we started triggers it. I love you. I love you so much. But it’s just easier to be mad at you. Because then it doesn’t hurt so much that you’re gone. But you are. You’re gone. My best friend. The love of my life. Just gone. And you can’t come back. And I can’t undo the regret. Or change how this ends. Because. That’s it. You’re just gone forever.
It makes me so sad. It’s just easier to be mad and jealous and not see all the things I’m missing now that you’re not here. The quick kisses. You just saying I love you. You complaining but secretly loving my animals. All the noises you made as you would get ready to work. Saying hi to me every morning even though it bugged me. I’m sorry. But I’d give anything to hear you say hi to me. Anything. Holding your hand. Cuddling up to you. Hugging you. Making love. I miss everything.
So is this acceptance?? Knowing you’re gone knowing you won’t come home… of course I’m still sad. I can still see you in this bed. I’m hoping when I change it… that’ll go away. Smaller bed…
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