Friday, May 5, 2023

May 5th 14th dating anniversary

It’s now weird to wake up. I know you’re gone. It does not hit me like a fucking truck every time I wake up. It was getting really old. Really fast. So I’m grateful for that. 

14 years ago in the wee early morning hours you messaged me on Facebook. When I responded and we were texting, as soon as you said you were single. No kids. That was it. You were mine. 

Our love started when I was only 19 and reached into our 50s. I was so scared to fall in love with you then. Absolutely sure you couldn’t be the man I needed for jerrolyn. I wanted you to be. But you weren’t. 

Instead I walked away. You matured and craved love. Relationship. Someone that would be yours. I was that. I was always yours. Hearing how sad you were in front of your family the Christmas before we got together broke my heart but also, sealed our fate. I knew. No matter what. I was yours and you would fight for me. But you didn’t fight as hard as you should have honey. You should have put more effort into pushing past my walls. I tried to tell you how to love me. I never once resisted you physically but I needed you to reach for me. And you did. And when you did. We were amazing. In every way. In every sense. 

Was I annoyed with you a lot. Yes. I wanted you to love you and much as I did. But your self loathing made it hard to not be mad. Your self deprecating manners. 

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