It has been one week.
One week of tears, screaming, not sleeping, not eating. Wishing and begging for you to just be alive. To be okay. To wake up from this nightmare.
Sleep being the worst because I dream of you, alive and here, waking up and you are gone. My heart breaking over and over again as I relive the past month in seconds with silent screams as the memories rush through me. My days I spend reading texts, emails, posts. Falling in love with you over and over again.
Trying to go out in public but seeing couples, happy and smiling while my heart fills with jealousy of all the moments we won't have. The emptiness stretching out before me for eternity.
I have my children, our lovely granddaughter Olivia standing here, taking my hands and telling me, to stay. When all I want to do is be with you. Wherever you are.
But I know I have to make sure that everything is taken care of first. Ensuring that they have a stable future ahead of them. More than anything, I need something in the future to look forward to.
So I am clinging to the movie, What Dreams May Come. When the husband dies, his wife, lost, depressed and unable to fathom life without her family, commits suicide. She does not get to join him, she is lost in purgatory. He finds her, brings her back. I know you, I do not think you would be strong enough to bring me back, I would be lost in my own mind, never reuniting with you.
So I will live, live in the belief that we will be reunited. Knowing you are the great love of my life spanning over 3 decades. The perfectly imperfect man for me, I the perfectly imperfect woman for you.
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