I spent the evening with my brother and his wife. As much as I love my husbands friends and family. I need mine too. It eased a small part of the heart ache. I also got to talk more about you. Which helps too.
I don’t want anyone to forget you. I hate that there are people out there that don’t know how wonderful and amazing you are. Like our granddaughter. She would have never known you as anything but hers. I’m sad. You didn’t get that. I know my kids love you. I know love them. But you weren’t their dad. They have one. But Olivia would only see you as one of her grandpas. That’s it.
Sleeping. Eating. It’s slowly getting easier.
I had a dream. You were alive. You were planning something. Going out with the guys. We were on our own vacation. It was pouring rain. They had sat us outside at a restaurant. My cat crackhead was there. We threw her in a kennel. It was Vegas. I remember I got this overwhelming feeling to tell you. Where you go I go. From now on. But even though we were in a restaurant. Now I was in the hotel room. I dialed your number on my cell phone. Then I realized. I was too late. You were gone. I woke up. My heart breaking again. I’m writing it down moments after the dream.
That’s how my morning begins. I’m not going back to sleep.
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