I know in the beginning I could feel you sometimes.
After I found the photos? You’re gone. I haven’t felt you or heard you. You broke my heart. I know people keep saying he forgot he kept them. I know you. You did not forget.
I let you go weeks ago. I had to. If I kept holding on like I was my heart in all of its misery would have gotten worse.
You’ve made me doubt every part of our marriage. I guess I should be grateful. The truth is, finding those photos has helped me move on. I don’t know what you would think of Jay. Or of us. Knowing you, you’d be cool with him.
You’ve always assumed I’d move on or cheat on you. So I know you’d accept this as fate.
I guess I do too.
I’m sorry he and I almost are starting the same way we did. Except you reached out to me. I had no real intention of this happening. I knew it could be possible.
But I didn’t know it would be like this. I didn’t know he’d admit to loving me, because that wasn’t the Jay I knew. I was handed Jay but all sparkly and new. New attitude. New outlook on life. More open about his feelings. He will never be the emotional person you were. I’m sorry I feel relief in that. But you know you could be a lot.
And I do and always will love you. I just wish you had loved yourself as much as I loved you.
I talked to Zsa today. Even Viv. I’m going to stay close to them. I just hope that when the time is right when I introduce Jay. He’s accepted. I know that he doesn’t care. But I do. I’d really like him to be accepted into the group and especially that Ed is not.
It’s important that your friends and family like him and that I can still be close with all of them while still having a relationship with him.
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