Yeah for Wednesday... I swear the weeks go by slower and slower. Trying to keep myself busy does help the time go by faster. I love him so freaking much... it really does surprise me, especially with how much he challenges me and pushes me right out of my safe zone. To be honest, I knew I could love him, I did not know he could love me. Or that I was everything he wanted in someone, as much as he is everything I need in someone. I love that he is comfortable just walking around with me without anything on. I love that... because I feel like that too. I am so comfortable around him, all the time. Weird flex, but even how he pees with the door open. The familiarity, the ability to just be ourselves, all the time.
So I told him about how my feelings have changed about marriage... and we are on the same page, again. Which I did not think would happen. It won't happen now or anytime soon but there definitely could be a day when I am a Martinez.His. Jay's wife. Yes I will work on my communication. One hick up and to be honest, I thought he understood where I was coming from.
There is nothing about us, that does not get me heated... I was just thinking about kissing him and omg, I can barely breath. The way he sucks on my tongue and holds me captive in his mouth, I loved that before and he still does that now. Even if it does freak me out, I love how much he just fucking gets me. Of course, I love being a private emotionless person for everyone, but that he reads me, he knows me.
Part of me loves that too. Even though it makes me break out in a sweat that I will never not be myself and authentic to him.
He has been having a few hard days. It makes me worry for him, about him. Then you add in that he is worried about how he will treat me, and how he can be scary mean. The honest truth about that, nothing could be worse than how he treated me the last night we were together. I can't even rehash all of it, and just how cruel he was to me. I have never felt worse about myself than that night.
What would it be like to be around him 24/7? Right now I can’t even imagine that. He asked me.
Just have to get through today and tomorrow. Pedicure today and lashes tomorrow.
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