Even though I spent this weekend with him... all of this. Seems so surreal still.
When he was inside of me and whispered I love you... Everything in me was suddenly centered on one thing
Him
Never would I have believed he could love me. Never. Even now I have to remind myself that was Jay. He loves me. He said it well before I did. I am grateful for him, for us. Even though I am still sore everywhere, I am missing him so much.
Allan. He is still there in my thoughts. I was thinking today the worst moments in my life:
Allan dying
Dad dying
Grandma dying
Mom leaving me (but not her death, I still do not think that will ever impact me)
Gonzo
Ray
Florencio
Errol
Ed
Jay
I know he is technically right below Ed, but what happened with Ed was so much worse... and nothing really worse than all of these things happened so Jay barely makes it in the top 10. So why am I looking at it this way.
He is worried that because he is going off of more medications that I need to show him some patience. I do not think he realizes that all I have is patience.
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