I am really trying to be okay with this, with him. Everytime I think about him, I want to just start crying. I just do not know how I am going to get through this. I am grateful I have Jay to be supportive but it still does not change that Charlie isn't going to survive this time. I am trying to process this. It is so different because I do get to say goodbye. I got to say everything I needed and wanted to say. I get to see him and say goodbye too, even though I will not act as if it is the last time I could possibly see him.
He's been the example to which I have compared every other male in my life against. The ONLY cancer I have ever dated. The only guy I have dated where we stood eye to eye. The first person I went ice skating with, the person who came with me to my brother's speech competitions. The first adult male I dated for so long that never asked for and never pressured me for sex. Came super close a few times but no... never happened. Although oral sex did happen at least for him and we did everything else too. I do remember our first kiss in my garage. LOL I remember him saying I can't kiss him like that if I do not want him to throw me into the back of his truck but I kept kissing him that way, all the time. Every time.
3 decades of friendship. I am so grateful he has been there through it all. Now I am grateful that I have Jay. To support me, to be there for me. It is so unfair to him. To have him watch my heartbreak over someone else. He is being magnanimous.
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